Personal Constructs and Communication

Personal Constructs are the terms that we use to describe ourselves and other people.  The following is an assignment that I was given.  I was tasked with choosing other people in my life that are alike and different.  The goal was to learn more about myself and how I communicate with other people.  I had to compare the people I chose to each other and one to myself. 


My Father and Michael (my fiancé)

Same	Different
Pessimist	Drive
Musically Inclined	Affectionate
Intellectual	Routine
Physically Strong	Punctual
Caring	Playful
Talkative
Outdoorsman
Analytical
Worrier

Jackie Co-Worker/Friend / Co-Worker (Not a friend)

Same	Different
Drive	Selfish/less
Outgoing	Genuine
Organized	Leader
Decision Maker	Sense of Humor
Giving	Creative
Analytical	Motivation
	Personable
	Energetic
	Integrity
	Strong-Willed

Myself	Michael
Same	Different
Intellectual	Optimism
Playful	Worrier
Talkative	Punctual
Blunt	Patient
Humorous	Organized
Analytical	Planner
Active
Outdoorsperson

 

Constructs that are similar:

·         Organized, Planner, Routine

·         Analytical, Intellectual

·         Sense of Humor, Humorous, Playful

·         Drive, Motivation

·         Outgoing, Personable, Energetic, Active, Talkative

·         Pessimist, Worrier
 

Creating lists of the characteristics of people in my life was not real surprising or eye-opening to me.  I was already aware that I consciously surround myself with people that have similar values to those values that I hold, and I am consciously aware of people in my life that do not have the same values.  My lists varied depending upon the person that I was describing, yet there may have been a few of the same terms used in each list.  My friends and family members may have some similarities; they also have different qualities that stand out to me.  When considering the terms I used to describe people and how they reflect on my values, it was apparent that the people close to me to have many of the same values as I do.  My friends are considered to have good integrity, a good sense of humor and are genuine; where my boss does not have good integrity, motivation for her actions is selfish and she is not genuine. 

Some of the people have more differences than similarities and it was difficult to think of traits that they had in common or vice versa.  For instance, I chose two coworkers.  One is a person that I am not similar to and Jackie, is a co-worker whom I am similar to, so I compared these two individuals to one another.  I work with both individuals; and although, they are organized, they both hold leadership positions and are decision makers, their motivations, the way they lead, motivate and speak to people are completely different.  Jackie has the kind of energy that lights up the room, gets along well with others, is genuine in her approach and is motivated to help others; where the other

person is aggressive, is not very well liked, and she is motivated by what benefits her most.  Both individuals can be giving, Jackie will do so privately out of the goodness of her heart, while the other person usually does it publicly for recognition.  The difficulty in this task was not finding positive and negative qualities in both individuals, but finding qualities that I recognized as similar in both individuals because they are so different.  One positive construct that I see in the co-worker that I do not like is that she is strong-willed and stands up for herself, yet this is a weakness in Jackie.  Where one will not be taken advantage of because of this, Jackie may let herself be walked over sometimes because she does not like conflict.

Another instance that was difficult to compare was my father and fiancé.  They are very much alike, (which I have been more and more aware of the longer we are together), and it was difficult for me to find differences when I think of their characteristics. Although they are both very analytical, strong, caring, pessimistic and worrisome, they are very different in a few categories.  My father is very punctual, driven and a man of routine; but Michael is none of those things and in fact, is quite playful, flies by the seat of his pants (so he is almost always late), and is more expressive of his affection than my father.  It doesn’t surprise me that the characteristics I love about my father are also in Michael, yet those I did not love growing up – rigid routine, lack of affection and playfulness – are the direct opposite in Michael.

Finally, I compared my characteristics with Michael, my fiancé, which I did when we first met.  I found that not much has changed.  Where I am the optimist, organized, planner that keeps us

punctual, he is the worrier that helps me find patience.  We have a lot in common, being very analytical, playful, blunt and humorous.  Many other people cannot understand us sometimes, but we get along because we usually have different views in situations and discuss our outlooks and learn from the other’s point-of-view.  He loves my optimism that helps him to see a different side, while I like his pessimism because it keeps me from being completely naïve sometimes. 

Overall, I used over forty different terms to describe myself and the other four individuals.  “The cognitively complex person is willing to combine seemingly contradictory characteristics in creative ways, realizing that people are not all good or all bad…. Cognitive complexity is a mark of maturity and is necessary for good communication” (Trenholm, p.49).  I am told by many people that I am a good communicator and many people will seek my advice when they are in a difficult situation that needs careful communication.  I believe that it is because I analyze people, their communication style and their characteristics in order to make an educated decision on how to effectively communicate the intended message.  I am a fair judge of character that does not think of stereotypes when determining personal constructs. 

Although there were similarities in some of the constructs, like organized, planner and routine; doesn’t mean that everyone that is organized is a planner that likes routine.  My dad, Jackie, my other co-worker and myself all are organized, but the only one listed with planner was myself and the only listed liking routine was my father.  I do not believe that I judge myself more fairly than others, as many people say I am too hard on myself.  On the list with myself and Michael, we differed under patience because I lack patience yet he is extremely patient.

The constructs I use vary by person, as does my communication style.  When sending an email to the co-worker I do not get along with, I always make bullet points and try to get straight to the point because she processes information better in this manner, but I may not do that with Jackie as she will read the email and process it without getting confused or losing focus.  For a person to develop a rich and complex set of personal constructs, they have to be very observant of the people around them, without being judgmental or jumping to conclusions.  One must realize that we are all very different, and the way to best communicate with someone is to be observant of who they are, how they best process information, and how they prefer to communicate.  The best way to do this is through observation of their actions and communication style when they are communicating with you.

References

Trenholm, Sarah.  Thinking Through Communication for Ashford University, 6th Edition. Pearson Learning Solutions. Retrieved from< vbk:9780558712921#outline(6.3.2.1.2)>.