Apology

 

An apology is meant to make amends when we have wronged another by admitting our wrongdoing and asking for forgiveness.  I feel that too many people today do not truly understand the meaning of  I hear the words “I’m sorry” but many do not actually ask the person to forgive them, they just expect forgiveness because the words were said.  Your tone of voice and your body language tell the receiver whether you are sincere in your apology. 

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        In addition to the words, your actions should show that you are truly sorry by not doing the same thing again to that person.  While reading this week about nonverbal cues, I realized how many nonverbal cues are given during an apology that show the sincerity or insincerity of an apology.  The old saying that actions speak louder than words really does ring true because if you are truly sorry that you hurt someone with your actions, you will cease doing the action that is causing the pain.  If you say you are sorry, but continue to do it over again, it shows that you really are not sorry and do not care if you hurt the other person.

            My five year old was recently sent to his room for punishment and told to think about what he had said.  After a few minutes he yelled for me and said he was ready to talk about what he had done.  He has learned from the past that he has to apologize, so the first thing he said when I walked in the room was “I’m sorry, can I get up from my bed now?” 

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I asked what he was sorry for and he was silent.  I then explained that I do not just want him to say he is sorry.  I want him to understand that what he said was hurtful so he would never to do it again.  We talked about what he said and how it made me feel.  In the end I asked if that is how he wants to be treated since the rule in the house is to treat others the way you want to be treated.  He finally said “Definitely not!” and proceeded to give a very sincere apology along with a hug and kiss.  I took that opportunity to explain that you shouldn’t say you are sorry without knowing what you are sorry for and truly meaning that you are sorry.  I explained that along with saying you are sorry you are supposed to be asking that person to forgive you.  Lastly you don’t want to do it again and hurt the person again because then they will think you were never sorry to begin with.

            I live in a house with two young boys and their father.  Their father and the oldest boy are very stubborn, prideful and do not find it easy to apologize.  My goal is to ensure that they all understand the true meaning of an apology, are not to be too prideful to ask for forgiveness, and understand how important a true apology can be to sustain healthy relationships.